Are You A Panda Parent? Here’s What That Actually Means
We’ve heard all about FAFO parenting – a term used to describe a form of parenting where mums and dads let their kids experience the consequences of their actions.
But what about panda parenting? The term (named after the black and white bears) is used to describe a style of raising kids that focuses on allowing them to develop independence and resilience.
Panda parents aim to provide a supportive environment but don’t over-shelter or coddle their little ones – it’s about striking a balance between being involved and giving children the space to learn from their own mistakes.
And as with any parenting technique, there are pros and cons to it.
How to practice panda parenting in daily life
The term panda parenting was coined by Esther Wojcicki in her book: How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results.
According to Parents.com, the author describes panda parents as giving children the “scaffolding” to let them “go free”. In theory, this means that instead of being a bit of a helicopter parent and always intervening or stopping them from making mistakes, you only help when your child really does need it.
To practice panda parenting in everyday life, you could, for instance, let your child take on certain household tasks (in an age-appropriate way, of course).
If they’re younger, this could mean choosing their own clothes for the day and if they’re older, it could mean managing their own schedules.
It’s also about allowing kids to make mistakes or fail, and guiding them through the process of learning from it. You can ask questions like: “What do you think you could do next?” so they can begin to problem-solve and build confidence in their ability to tackle challenges.
This applies to teens, too. If they come home upset about something at school, instead of immediately offering solutions or judgments, you could listen to them without interruption, and then gently guide them with suggestions or reassurance.
The pros and cons
This parenting technique can contribute towards boosting self-confidence, resilience and independence in kids.
Psychotherapist Dr Lynda Foulder-Hughes tells HuffPost UK: “One of the main advantages of panda parenting is that it allows a child to develop their own unique interests, creativity, and skill set (independent of what their parent feels is ‘right’ for them) and ultimately to trust their own judgement.”
The therapist, who is a member of Counselling Directory, says it also builds emotional connection and trust between the parent and child, and helps build their problem-solving ability, and age-appropriate risk-taking.
“Successful panda parents tend to set firm boundaries, so a child also knows what their own responsibilities are, but they keep communication open and check in on their child regularly,” she explains.
“The parent aims to support the child’s own natural curiosity and to trust in their instincts, by learning from mistakes and trial and error, which then feeds into both task mastery and a sense of accomplishment. Children ask for help when they need it, and a parent intervenes when asked or if there are safety issues.”
Of course, it can be tricky to strike the right balance: you don’t want to be so laid back and hands-off that your kids don’t feel supported in life or that they hurt themselves as a result.
Another limitation, Dr Foulder-Hughes suggests, is that others might be judgmental of those who adopt this parenting strategy, “since most parents do not adopt this style, and we tend to live in a society that micromanages children”.
“It is important for parents to trust their own instincts in raising their children, and not to be swayed by the criticism of wider friends or family members who may have experienced other more controlling forms of parenting styles,” she adds.
Is panda parenting worth a shot?
In her book Remind: The Prescription for Happiness, Success, and Fulfilment in Life, Dr Foulder-Hughes discusses how “many adults have never achieved their potential and still do not know what they are good at or what brings them fulfilment”.
This style of parenting, she argues, will help a child to explore their innate talents from a young age, so that when they reach adulthood, “they have a stronger sense of identity and their skills”.
She suggests as a result “they are likely to be more content and happier, living as their authentic self”.
The therapist believes that where most parents “get it wrong” is to force their children to go down the paths they wanted to, and achieve the things they never did. Basically, living out their own dreams through their child.
Instead of forcing their child to become a lawyer or doctor, for example, panda parents “would naturally scaffold a child’s learning and provide encouragement, but without pressure”.
“If we look at some of the most influential and pioneering members of society (ie. inventors, creators, etc.) it is highly likely that they were raised in a panda parenting way as it fosters a sense of confidence and self-exploration,” she adds.
